Friday, November 26, 2010

The Best Way of Defeating. Everything.

I am thrilled! I am inspired! I am chortling! After my visit to the attorneys that are handling my mom’s will, and a visit to a bank in order to make an appointment to draft mine, I comforted myself from the gloom that these thoughts of mortality engender with a visit to the latest cheapie shop.

It was there that I found and bought a game that will doubtless change my life, and that for the price of one dollar. On the surface, It’s just a little plastic game. I’ll take a picture... there! I bought it for the promising claims made on the reverse of the pack. Soon I will conquer the world, and here’s how:

(I quote)

‘Marble is a kind of game that is very mordern. Now. It collects exciment fasciration.’

Oh Wow! I don’t know what exciment faciration is like, but it does sound nice!

‘It can not only train a lover’s skill and intelligence but also is a best way for lover to make friends.’

I’m hanging onto their every word by this time: this is one great game!

‘It is an intelligent game for family to be a happy field.’

Not so sure about that bit, but it does sound cheerful…

‘Spring your miracle. Competite your level!’

Oooooh. That sounds so… so… spiritual in a way. There follows a very poetic and somewhat cryptic description of how the game is played, the best bit being:

‘The one who gets the highest grade is a big winner’

Well now, I’ve been playing with this thing, and I got all five of the balls into the ‘600’ pocket, and do you know what? I feel like a big winner. Woohoo!

The conclusion cinched the deal. This is why I wanted to spend the princely sum of a dollar on this thing:

‘Where there’s a will, there’s a way. The training of will intelligence, skill, will be your best ladder of success, it is your best training way of defeating. Everything’

So now you know. Watch out world!


  1. OMG, where do I get one? I have always wanted to be a big weiner! and playing with balls, that is the best thing ever!

  2. Combine that game with chopsticks--the end of the instructions always say "now you can pick up anything!"

  3. "Spring your miracle", "Competite your level". Don't know about you but methinks they sound like euphemisms for "self-abuse"; at any rate, they ought to be.

    Don't you think it was a bit reckless squandering your inheritance on this gadget?

    Mordern women, fascirating, but frivolous! :-)

  4. The next step for you is world domination!

  5. Hilarious! Damn funny too.
    It's a keeper.

  6. Did they get the 'Made in China' right?
    A great Post:) Ooops! Wonder what the lover's skill is?

  7. I remember having that toy some time when I was young. It was precious. :)

    You summed up your words very well. Good job!

  8. I'd rike to say I was fascirated but I fell asreep.

  9. If you die, can I have some of your stuff? And not the stuff made out of cat - I prefer the precious stones and metals and Mona Lisa.

  10. Stonepost: Yup, big weiners are good to have :)

    Anon: I'm not sure I want to pick up everything!

    Ronald: Chortle! That's right! I'm facirating! Good to have things in common, isn't it?

    Israel: Exactly the conclusion I came to!

    PAMO: And its fun to play too. On the weekend we were competing to see who was the best 'lover'.

    Chez: It involves balls :)

    Lancelonie: Aha! Then you must be a great lover, too.

    Dan: If you can type while you're asreep, then you have defeated. Everything. Already.

    Grant: How about this little plastic game with the balls that increases a lover's skill and intelligence? Its priceless!