Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I blog therefore I am totally self-indulgent

(I got carried away with this one, so I’m posting it in two parts. I post daily. This serialization spares your eyes and saves me thinking of something to write tomorrow. Thanks.)

I want to write. I’ve always wanted to write. I’ve always despised myself a little because I may say I want to, but I don’t, not anything I like anyway. I’ve prostituted this steaming art of mine for money (Yus. I actually got paid for it.) and I’ve written tens of thousands of words for publication without being paid (so noble of me), and I’ve hated every moment of it.

I used to play a game with my editors that I called ‘spot the funny’. I’d slip in a joke or whimsical reference somewhere, and they’d edit it out so fast and so thoroughly that one’d swear I’d said something obscene. As a result, I’ve written some really boring, twee stuff.

The worst thing I ever had to write was the ‘About Us’ page for my company’s website. I actually felt ill. Its not that I don’t work for a nice place: I do. I’m proud of it. I’ll say any number of nice things about it without turning a hair, because its all true, but I hate, hate, hate making sentences like: ‘ We are passionately comitted to the continuous development of our human capital through ongoing training and dedicated upliftment programs.’ Or whatever it is I wrote. I can’t remember. I went into shock and forgot. I visit our website, but I never actually read that bit. Gross!

I quite enjoy writing ironic-polite letters to suppliers that have done us down, or clients who are being plain daffy but shouldn’t be offended, but that’s because I’m a cow. Sometimes I go back and re-read them just because I need a kick. Oh MM, you’re so formidable!

Here ends Part 1: Exit while emitting dreadful villain-type laugh. Next up: the gripping account of my forays into fiction and the not-forbidden delights of blogging! I post a picture of … um… oh something pretty.


  1. Those editors were nuts taking out your funny! What I enjoy about your writing is YOUR voice- it's there everywhere. You boring- never.
    Bring it on- the incredible- formidable- MM! Indulge away.

  2. My work place likes to tell us when they want us to do more that we're "industry leaders" but when we complain that our pay is low they say "it's the industry standard"

  3. Aw gee, shucks. Thanks for the warm encouragement, Pamo.
    Karl: its standard industry leadership, of course! Isn't management-speak charming?