I'm so gorgeous today that I could eat myself: lips as puffy and pouting as a supermodel's and without having cost me a cent either.
The beauty secret I've discovered mayn't be for just anyone, though, because it involves head butting a six pack of beer (in the dark, I have an excuse) and splitting your lip open a bit. Then you grab your mouth, jump up and down, say 'Ouch - Ouch - Ouch' and laugh at the same time. (I'm not sure if this step is absolutely necessary, but it was fun). Then you drink the beer and it soothes away the discomfort and tastes nice while you're at it.
Beer's great value: first it expanded my chest, and now its puffing up my lips, plus I get to drink it (which is why I initially bought it in case you were wondering). Plastic surgery would have cost me a bomb, and I wouldn't have got a thing to drink, not even a cup of tea. Ripoff.