Thursday, July 29, 2010

Catalogued and classified

The current 'work in progress' is a catlogue of over 600 plant species that's to go to the printers tomorrow.

It rather saps my writing ability, especially since most of my colleagues say that they 'can't write', so I end up doing all the descriptions. The ones who think they can write, spell even worse than I do, or launch temselves into passionate declamation that excludes punctuation.

Given that I am now in plant describing mode, I seem unable to come up with anything else, and so I've written a description of my fair (and occasionally unfair) self.

Maunderus mutterus (Lesser spotted horticulturist)

A slow-growing, occasionally aggressive but ornamental perennial to 1.53m that likes to learn the hard way.

Tolerates adverse conditions but thrives on occasional feeding and regular attention. DO NOT PRUNE although occasional cutting down to size does no harm.

Ensure plenty of sunshine, but thrives in shade during the summer months. Although continually in bloom, best results are achieved when suitably admired.

Propagation not recommended owing to the possibility of becoming invasive and taking over the planet.


  1. A FANTASTIC description!! How ingenious to define yourself as you would a plant. Marvelous indeed!!!!
    You could write a book using this technique alone. I love it!!

  2. we're redoing my mom's back yard, does the Maunderus mutterus do well in desert conditions?

  3. Thanks PAMO, if I could photosynthesize, I'd be one happy, green individual! I actually did write a tree book once, but I had to use the edtitor's formula (Painful!), and I only got a consultant credit - I did get MONEY though, so that's cool!

    Oooh Karl! You mean I can sprout my roots in the 'land of the free'? Just remember that though I am ornamental, I am invasive!

  4. You are an artist! I loved this!

  5. I would be a weed coming between the cracks, so you've got it better than me. Love the creative description.

  6. Thanks folks - the product of exhuastion! Glad you dropped by!