Monday, October 18, 2010

Sometimes, you smile anyway

There have been some really horrible times for me in the last weeks, but its funny how there are always things to smile about no matter how bad things get.

On the night Mom died, I dreamed that a strong wind was blowing, and when I jumped, I was carried for miles on it. It was fun. ‘Look mom, I’m flying!’. The next morning, I went to Windt Broers (Wind brothers) – the undertakers and made the necessary arrangements with them.

My aunt seems to think that my dream was deeply spiritual, but I think it was just a subconscious association with the name ‘Windt’. Whatever it was, it was a darned good dream, and I’ve no objection to being thought spiritual, especially since I'm not and would like to be.

Then there was the matter of the will. How I hunted for it. How my brother jittered about the fact that I was still hunting. I found it in the end - it was in the in the fridge. I love you Mommy.

My brother and I worked on each others’ nerves again, and after an incident in which he stormed out of the house in a huff because I insisted that I’d find the missing cat, and he thought I oughtn’t try, I made an excuse (I’d caught the cat) and drove the 400km home through pouring rain and in the middle of the night.

I’ve done the trip eight times in the last weeks with never a problem, but of course two ‘o clock in the morning in the middle of nowhere in the pitch dark and in a fierce storm is the worst possible time to have a flat tyre – so of course that’s what happened. Its funny, now – the cat and I, and him howling like anything while I wanted to howl like anything and the wind howling louder than either of us ever could while the rain came bucketing down out of utter blackness.

The only event of unrelieved sadness was having to put the oldest dog down. She collapsed next day and there was nothing for it. I suppose it goes with the territory.

Then there was the funeral: I didn’t want to go, but of course, one must. I dreaded it until a shaggy mostly-collie-dog walked into the church and investigated everything, running up and down the aisle and sniffing the organist and what have you. My mom would have loved that, and everyone knew she’d have loved it, so no-one chased the dog away. It was better than flowers, really it was.

Today’s pic: another part of my mom’s priceless legacy - Hamish 'ball-biter' Zoutendyk of I-forget-which kennel.


  1. What a horrible last few weeks you've had. I'm so sorry.

  2. Wow darlin......what a horrendous time you have had. I don't even know what to say except I am so very sorry that all of this has plopped down upon you. You have had more crap in a couple of weeks than people do in a couple of years. And I just want to give you a great big hug... So here it is *******HHHHHUUUUGGGGSSSS********

  3. What a troubling time you've had, but what a post! I smiled in spite of the sad events. I've found that dreams are sometimes plays on words but I'm glad you soared--maybe a gift from your mom. You're right, the dog was better than flowers--perfect timing. I was sure that I'd lose it when my mom's favorite hymn was sung at her funeral; instead, I almost laughed because the soloist was so bad. These are small gifts for our memory banks. Welcome back and bless you for taking in the animals.

  4. Your post today is full of such positive energy and hope. You simply AMAZE me! I can't tell you how much I've thought about you in these past weeks. Don't think I'm too silly- but I really do consider you a friend, someone I relate to quite intimately. (Really.)
    I'm so glad you found your mum's will. She had a good sense to put it in the fridge- perhaps knowing you would find it there. Your brother sounds like a real jerk in the whole matter and that makes me terrifically sad. It shouldn't have to be that way at all. I hope he wakes up soon.
    The dog at your mum's funeral brought me tears of joy. What a total gift and a blessing too.
    Your dream was also a gift, and even if you don't find it spiritual, I'll have to tell you that I certainly do. And you deserved that gift of spirit, it was a gift of love- if only to yourself from yourself. I totally respect your beliefs in the matter, never doubt that.
    I'm glad you found the cat. I can't even begin to convey the degree of respect I have for you. It's beyond words.

  5. Mutterer sorry to hear of your loss. It's good to know that you can still find humor in things. That's important.

  6. I'm sorry about your loss... like Pamo I was also thinking about you the last couple of weeks. I hope things get better! .

  7. You'll have your hands full with three dogs and two cats. Your mom's legacy to you. They'll be a great comfort for you, and will certainly keep you busy in a good way.

    I moved once from Nevada to Colorado with two cats in carriers in the back seat, and they howled the entire time they were in the car (3 days). Last day drove through snow storm, and car got stuck in high idle at night going over the mountains and down into Denver. I basically drove with my foot on the break pedal, honking my horn at people standing in the road because their cars were stuck in the snow, and then my lights went out, and the cats yowling the entire time. I was a nervous wreck when I got down to the bottom of the mountain.

    I like your dream, that it was needed a dream like that. And the dog checking out your mom's funeral, that seems a little spiritual also since she loved animals so much. I wish you love in your time of healing.

  8. Jay: its been pretty beastly, but c'est la vie. One has to continue.

    AG: Ouch! My ribs! That was a jolly good hug!

    HWfarber: Thanks for sharing your own 'cheer up' moment. Dogs are great, what a pity I didn't think of finding a wobbly soloist!

    PAMO: its mutual, inasmuch as bloggers can be friends, you are very much my friend. Respect is also mutual. No matter what goes wrong, I've a feeling that your strength and humor will carry you through. The cat's already settled in amazingly well, and as for the dogs, they're looking happy too. Now I have pets like you do!

    Israel: Humour is important - one of the things that make life worth living - which is why I like your blog so much!

    Karl: I missed you too :) Thanks for your support, I will always wear it. (Chuckles)

    CW: Already, the pets give me little time to mope. I loved your story of the nightmare ride. Don't ever do anything like that again! I like you in one piece!

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  10. I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I read this the other day, but only now have had the chance to respond. Despite everything, I admire your ability to go on and have to say the whole event reads like a story. Horrible, but quite a tale for a writer like you. I am reminded of the quote by Winston Churchill, "When you are going through hell, keep going." The months to come won't be easy, I expect, with such a huge loss, and my thoughts will continue to be with you.

    I am not a religious man. After my mother-in-law's sister died, my mother-in-law had such grief. I had a dream unlike any other - ever - in which her sister visited me and said she wanted me to tell my mother-in-law that she was in a good place and happy. There were odd images, almost like visual interference. I dutifully complied and it was a great comfort to her. Upon reflection, I seemed the logical one to contact - a close family member that would not be too emotional a recipient. Ever since that dream I do not write anything off completely.

  11. I also wanted to extend my sympathies for your loss. Nothing harder than losing someone so close. I also think it's likely that both the dream and the dog coming in during the service was a message for you. Take care.