A Living Legacy

I'm back after a fashion. Its been a pretty torrid time. Mom's operation didn't go well, and shortly after we were told that her cancer is widespread, rapid and terminal she had to be re-hospitalized, had a heart attack, developed water on the lung and goodness knows what besides.

As I write, she hovers between life and death in Intensive Care. They've put her under sedation, so she won't know that I'm not there. There isn't any point in being there to watch her sleeping and wired up like the bionic mom anyway.

During the week that she was at home, I nursed her, but now there's nothing to do. If she temporarily recovers from this lot, I'll be needed, so its best I save my time off. In the mean time my brother and worse-than-useless sister in law turned up, and they can keep an eye on things.

I'm pretty proud of myself. I handled the single-handed home nursing darned well and tolerated various bodily secretions and excretions without turning a hair. I remained cheerful (at least on the surface) and in control (ditto).

On the night that she was re-admitted to hospital, I had a good cry and a rant and behaved like a mad thing, but there was nobody to see, so it didn't hurt anyone and it turned out to be constructive.

Then my brother turned up and the first thing he did was to point out which of her antiques he would like to have. I didn't murder him. I think I deserve a pat on the back for that.

My sister-in-law is a bit ghoulish and can't resist chattering about death and illness with hardly a pause for breath. I didn't murder her either, but its a jolly good thing I left them to it or I wouldn't have been able to hold it in and there'd have been bad blood or lots of blood depending on how badly I let go. As it is, we parted on good terms.

They're useless with mom's pets: one of the first things they did was to speculate as to how to stop them sleeping in my mom's room, which they've always done. I raised a hackle at that, and so the status quo remains intact, but I'll be rescuing them from the tender mercies on Sunday when they'll move to my house. I haven't had pets for a while, but now I'll have four dogs and two cats. My brother wants to have them put down, but I promised mom I'd take care of them and that's what I'll do.

If she recovers a little, she'll be moving to my town where she can either stay with me or, more likely, be in a hospice or frail care where I can regularly visit her. To be honest with you, I rather hope she dies while under sedation. It will be a mercy to her. Sounds brutal, but its true. She even said 'If I was a dog, you'd have put me down. I wish I was a dog.'

Oh well, I don't mean to post about this too often, but its pretty much what's on my mind at present. Today's pic: one of the dogs that's soon to be mine - a good legacy to be trusted with - and much better than a bunch of antique furniture I won't have space for anyway!