Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I learn a new word!

I'm still a bit stoned after what happened today, but perhaps I should warn anyone who is... um... extremely sensitive to avoid this post. Is there anyone like that? Thought not. Off you go...

I joined the shuffling, seated queue that zigzags along at a less-than-snails-pace in the hospital outpatients hall. There I met the same unrufflable pink-clad pillar-to poster I encountered on Wednesday.

Every now and then she pops out of her office and interrogates the queue. People scatter in her wake. Admirable lady- stops you from waiting in the wrong place for too long.

She helped me herself and vanished into the endless rows of files in search of mine. She was gone so long that I thought the archive might really be endless, and that she was retrieving my file from Antarctica, but then she reappeared and made me a new file because she couldn’t find the old one.

The doctor didn’t fancy my new file, because it didn’t have my test results in it, so he settled me down to wait, possibly, I thought, till kingdom come, but before the kingdom could come, or even get a bit worked up, I got called in.

‘I’m going in, chaps’ I thought, momentarily becoming a fighter pilot zooming intrepidly into the unknown, but then I thought that perhaps this might be the doctor’s line, and I shouldn’t steal his thunder.

I eventually persuaded him that two doctors had told me I needed the biopsy and he was going to do it, so he did. They just give you a local for this one, and my! It’s a bit close to home, if you know what I mean. Not as sore as you’d think, though.

Next time, I’m going to tell the darned doctor I don’t WANT to know what he’s doing, really I will. I don’t. He must just get on with it and warn me if its going to hurt. He can tell me afterwards.

While the doctor rummaged about, I occupied myself by trying to say ‘Colposcopy’ which is something I have to make an appointment for. It’s a very difficult word. I asked the doc if ‘Compostomy’ would work, because I know about compost and maybe if I say it really fast, no one will notice, but he insisted that I get it right.

In the end, he hoiked out a thing that looked like a pink walnut, as happy as Tom Thumb in the nursery rhyme when he pulled out the plumb and said 'What a good boy am I'.

Which is more-or-less what he said, although not in those exact words. I suspect that medically speaking he’d achieved no mean feat and was rather pleased with himself. I was happy for him.

Then my leg began to twitch like a dog’s does when you scratch its tummy, and the doc said he’d cauterize that which I really didn’t want to know about so I closed my eyes tight and didn’t get a dekko at the flame thrower or whatever it was he next attacked me with.

I did feel a bit upset once I was on my own again, but all in all it wasn’t too terrible. I’m glad its over, that’s sure.

I hope you enjoyed my visit to the hospital, and that you will understand why there are no pictures with this post.


  1. Andrea, when do you publish? What a beautifully crafted post! I waited in line with you (we don't have Q's here) and at least last with you and not at you while on the table. Hoping all is clean and tidy.

  2. I agree with Jerry- beautifully crafted! You are a master with words and a lovely person to boot.
    I'm glad you survived this part of the process. Keep us posted please.

  3. Ditto on the other comments, if you don't write for a living you should. Glad to hear all went well. ;)

  4. Whew. I'm glad this part's over. I'm with you about not wanting to hear about procedures (I tend to pass out or throw up during the description). Great writing.

  5. Mm I took a deep breath at the 'stoned' and remembered to breathe later.
    Agree with all that has been said. Glad 'that part' is over and done with.
    Such a pleasure to read your posts. Smile from me :-)

  6. Hi Mm,
    Just stopping by to let you know you are being awarded the “Living Your Purpose” blog award. This award is given to bloggers by bloggers who feel a blog is worthy of it, and yours is. Congrats!

    Since I am unable to post it here you will have to stop by my blog to accept it. The award and instructions for accepting are in todays post.

    I hope you will accept.

  7. There's a rather nice maori phrase - kia kaha - which is said as it is spelled.
    It means, depending on context, be brave or be strong. I actually think that it could also mean be stoned...
    No matter. I imagine that you are a person for whom kia kaha is just a part of who and what you are.

  8. Stonepost: It's on my goal list, but I'll do it for fun. I like to write. Glad you like to read

    Heff: Yes, stoned :)

    PAMO: It's the waiting game now. Thanks for keeping up with me!

    TK: I doubt I'll make a living out of it, though I'd love to!

    HW: Passing out or throwing up during the description... chortle. Yes, that's about how it is.

    Chez: Its a good thing you're able to hold your breath without passing out. Smiles back!

    TK: An AWARD? Gimme! Gimme! Hugely flattered, thank you for your support, I will always wear it.

    AW: Thank you. I will remember to be brave, strong and stoned :)