Monday, September 6, 2010

Operating instructions

Alright, so this is gratuitous, materialistic and consumerist bragging, but I have to tell you: I’ve got a new camera! Goodbye six mega pixels, hello twelve. Goodbye blurry optical zoom, hello lovely clear shots. Its like being in love, only easier because there’s an owner’s manual and instructions for use.

It’d be handy if people came with a manual wouldn’t it? I wonder what mine would read? Perhaps it should have a few notes on safe operation as well.

Congratulations on acquiring access to MM mark 1.

Disclaimer: Since this is a prototype, expect occasional unpredictable behavior such as sudden noises and erratic responses. A limited range of functions is available to you as the full version is not for general distribution.

Any loss, shock, damage or injury resulting from application of the MM is not the responsibility of the manufacturers who were absolved of all legal liability after a period of 21 years.

Re-programming of the MM is extremely difficult and is not recommended as fingers might be burned in the process.

Do not expose to excessive heat, cold or ethanol-based substances, as this impairs efficiency. If the MM is overloaded beyond a certain point, it will stop functioning immediately and you may or may not be able to get it to work again.

All navigational, mathematical and memory problems are inherent in the design.

Remember: the MM is multi-purpose, of an excellent quality, neatly packaged and great fun! Any and all difficulties you experience with this product, however, are entirely your own problem. Enjoy!

Anyone else care to share ideas around ‘Instructions for Use’? Today’s pic: a shot of the horses taken with my lovely new camera and its incredible zoom lens. Tch! Should have given it a little edit... what the heck.

Oh! And apologies PAMO. I got mixed up replying to your comment about the owl picture. That was a lucky shot. An owl had nested on the ground under a tree (very unusual behavior) and I got some good shots of the babies.


  1. Congratulations on your new camera! Woo Hoo!! Thanks for clarifying the photo explanation- I'm always fascinated with your gorgeous shots.

    My favorite line (if I had to pick) in your post today is: "Any and all difficulties you experience with this product, however, are entirely your own problem." I LOVE THAT!!!

    This is such a great manual, you should put it on a card and sell it. Fabulous stuff. I laughed out loud through out. Thanks for starting my day off great!

    Looking forward to all the photos from your new camera.

  2. Oh you make me giggle!!!!!! Enjoy your new camera, I got my new one in June and it has been surgically connected to my hand now for three months!!!


  3. Now you can begin photographing hot Asian women for me. I get in trouble when I do it. They start screaming and make silly statements about how their shower is not open to the public and whatnot.

  4. didn't realize you needed a new camera your pics usually look wonderful, congrats on the new camera though.... look forward to seeing the new pics

  5. I like the idea. I may toy with that. Hopefully I'll take a break to do some writing.

    In news unrelated to this post, are all the pictures your own? I think I might draw great inspiration from some of them!

  6. I started thinking about a manual for my use and I thought my brain was going one way, but it didn't go where I expected. I came up with a poem, or what will possibly become a poem with a title that will possibly be "Chemical Robot."

    I am a chemical robot,
    Programmed in proteins
    And wired in neurons.
    Conjured and constructed
    By a secret scientist.

    That's just a bit of it. I certainly like some of it -that part- but it needs much more work.

    Thank you for the inspiration.

  7. I'm still trying to find a four-year-old who can show me how to actually put pictures onto my blog. I get the general idea, but they all end up at the top. Grrr.
    On the other hand, new cameras are the biz... except I was prowling around a second-hand store today and spotted a 1950s era Zeiss 35mm camera, with a 22 mill lens, and built-in proper light meter: I used to use one of these back in he surly 70s to make great black and white pictures. The good old days? No: the processing costs were enormous....

  8. cool. Look forward to interesting pics

  9. PAMO: I'll remember that any and all difficulties I might experience (in the unlikely event that I should wxperience difficulties) with PAMO Mark 1 are entirely my own problem!

    Non-average 'Average Girl' I want to use it! I want to use it! Isn't a camera wonderful thing?

    Grant: I must find some hot Asian chicks. I must, I must, I must!Only for you, because you ROCK!

    Karl: its very antiquated, one can't even get a 6 megapixel any more. Its been frustrating me, but glad that the pics have been pleasing all the same...

    MAS: Wow and wow! I inspire poetry! Perhaps my pictures will also do so... Thanks: not only for commenting, but for giving thought to it. I love the idea of a 'secret scientist', and the phrase 'tastes' nice on the tongue.

    Aotea writer. Take them from the top, click and drag them where you like :)Vintage cameras are wonderful! I had a friend who had one, and would take ages composing each shot.. because of.. Ta-dah! Processing costs! You've got to love digital, but there's something mystical to the analog approach.

    Israel: just as soon as I get time to work out how to use the darned thing properly!

    All: I'm so behind on my reading... I will catch up! I'm missing your creative, funny and insightful posts. Sob. (See 'drowning' and you'll know why I deny myself this pleasure)