Tuesday, January 18, 2011

How to not pee in your hiking boots - a woman's guide to outdoor survival

That title is pure plagiarism - it was the title of a book that I decided not to buy. I still regret not having it. Oh, my aim's pretty good and my boots stay dry, but it's the sort of thing I like having on my bookshelf if only for the quirky title.

It also reminds me of a lady I once knew. She was one of those women who is very pleasant to look at. It took some work, mind: I personally watched her change her clothes three times before she was sufficiently satisfied with her appearance to venture out - on a picnic.

I should have known better than to drag her up a mountain, and so should her boyfriend. Oh, she made it to the top and looked absolutely gorgeous there, but as we were standing admiring the view (As one does) she upped and said she needed the toilet.

'Widdle?' I asked thinking that the situation needed some clarification: sometimes, it really IS necessary to go the actual WC. She nodded, blushing. As you know, beautiful women do not widdle. That is for ordinary people, so she was rather embarrassed.

I pointed out a convenient bush and suggested that I keep cavey for her, but no: top of the mountain or not, it was a toilet of the water-borne sort that she wanted.

Her slightly less smitten than before boyfriend accompanied her down the mountain and to the nearest filling station with a rest room. I imagine it must have taken close on an hour to get there and her bladder must've been so full that her eyeballs were bobbing.

Respect. For me, there are limits to how much I will suffer for being a lady, but this girl deserved the 'lady' award with brass knobs on plus a medal.

Takes all sorts to make a world, you know.

Today's pic: miles and miles and not a WC to be seen (and I'm not talking about 'Winston Churchill' either - just in case all this MLK-ing has confused folks)


  1. To pee or not to pee that is the question!
    Ah, my Kingdom for a horse!

  2. That sounds like a long trip down the mountain! I've been in some public bathrooms that are far worse than the nearest tree.
    She does win the award for lady like behavior! Hope it comes in pink.
    Nice photo!

  3. I wish you had bought that book. When I get home from a boatride it's a long climb up the hill to the house (with bath room) and I'm old. Of course, I'm not usually wearing boots.

  4. i think i need that book. i've peed on my own pants & shoes when widdling outside more times than i'd like to admit. hanging my head in shame now.

  5. I love the words you use. "Cavey" and "Widdle." I mean, apart from the fact that your prose are nice anyway, the words make it especially fun for this boring tongued American. :)

  6. What if I want to not pee in my hiking boots as a man? This blog has not helped me, and my hiking boots are SOAKED. >:-(

  7. Oh no! That could have been me. My family still laugh at me arriving at the farm in my immaculate white slacks only to be jumped on by 6 dogs as I tried to avoid the rabbits, mice, chicken sh## and guinea pigs.
    Have also been known to get one of my sons to try to 'widdle' into the wind while yachting.
    Of course, I have learned over the years haha

  8. Stonepost: Ah yes! The bard can always be relied on for pertinent quotes. How you made me laugh!

    Zoey: Thanks

    PAMO: Oh yes, it must be pink! Good thought that, I can always rely on you for good thoughts!

    Hallie: You must aim to please.

    Sherilin: Windspeed, air pressure, temperature and humidity all play a role.. and of course.. accidents do happen!

    Paulsifer: Part of what I love about blogger is all you Americans - it's an education! Glad I can return the favour.

    A Beer for the Shower: Well, some dubbin might help... the boots that is.

    Chez: I'd give you the pink lady award with brass knobs on - but getting your sons to widdle into the wind disqualifies you from the knobs, so all you get is the lady award.

  9. Having grown up in Minnesota with plenty of excursions into Wisconsin (primarily for keggers held in teh woods), successfully peeing out of doors without splashing my shoes is one of my specialties.



  10. There's a fabulous plant in the NZ bush called "Bush Toilet paper". The leaves are large, fluffy, and do actually blot fluids up. Very handy for the caught-short moments.
    Re your Gorgeous Lady Friend: oh, good grief. She probably doesn't fart, either.

  11. AW: Thanks for the inspiration for today's post!

  12. Instead of squatting lean down and use your hands for support (like a crab walk but not walking) and piddle away. If you crab walk you may need to change the title of this post to "How to teach a girl not to piddle on herself while crab walking." This has inspired a post. Thanks